Dear Hanz,

Today is my first day of work. I almost can’t believe it. Can you? Your little sister is all grown up now. It seems like it was just yesterday that we use to play masak-masak in the back of the house. Remember how you use to put on mummy’s dress and walk around the house? Haha, shhh..its our little secret.

There’s a few things that I have to get off my chest before I start my new found life today. Yuck, i can't believe I'm gonna say this to you, please burn the letter after you have read it :)

You Hanz, are the only person in the world that I can say in confidence, “I love you more than I love myself”. I am sorry, for I couldn’t help you when you needed someone to be your backbone. I hope you understand, I was young and situations took a tol on me too as it did on you. Mother believes that you had it the hardest because they did not pay enough attention to you. She told me once that i was an accidental baby, and if I was never born, you wouldn’t have turned out the way you did. I am sorry, if i could give you back her time i would.

I wanted the best for you Hanz, I would have given up my education and everything I had for you if that would have promised you an opportunity. You know I would. I am sorry if it offended you when I tried to persuade mummy to send you to a rehabilitation center or cut of your pocket money. It was the hardest thing for me to do, but I believed that it was for the best. At that moment, I didn’t care if you hated me for what I did, what mattered to me most is that you recovered. I just couldn’t bear looking at you the way you were. Trust me when I say, that it broke my heart. Every single day of your struggle, you were always in my heart.

Of all that has happened, I am sorry for that one day that I had given up hope in you. I was truly wrong, and I beg for your forgiveness. I will never abandon you in times of trouble, ever again.

I will fight with the last ounce of hope in me for you to be happy again. Your struggle goes on, but you are not alone. I am very proud of you, for the loving, gentle, kind and giving person that you are.

For you today, I walk with courage. Cheerz Hanz.

Love,

Kanna

-15 January 2008-